I woke up late this morning and I didn’t know where I was. I was disoriented as I was waking up from my dream, but it also lasted a few minutes after I was really awake. I just didn’t know where I was and it took a little bit of time before the information of ‘today’ processed through for me to know where I was and probably on another level, what year it was.
Julie
I don’t know- just had a sudden thought or feeling that pushed past something to have the energy to write it down right this minute, but alas, it is all gone. A blank mind. Oh thank ye o’ Blocker and Eraser.
Cec was on vacation this last week and it feels like such a long time until Tuesday afternoon when we see her again. I’m not sure who is going to show up and talk or what is going to be talked about. I guess really we need to do some preparation and figure it out– at least make a list even if we can’t agree on the priorities of it and who and what needs urgent attention. The same old issue of there never being enough time is rearing its ugly head again… it’s been festering in the background, threatening its menacing ways… and I sense-we sense that it is on the verge of ???? with our therapy with Cec. Just another reminder to myself that we have *got* to figure out what the hell this one is about and where it comes from and all that stuff. In a way there is this hazy, foggy, blank memory and just this knowledge that this is not a good thing…… I don’t know… I just know this was a big issue with Wendy. And really it’s been an issue with all my/our therapists if I think about it. Actually I don’t want to think about it, because the dying and self-hate and intense negative emotions surge and it becomes unbearable and unmanageable. I got the hint of it just writing and thinking about it for a split second and then I ran like the wind shutting doors behind me trying to keep the walls up to stay away from it. Not now. Not tonight. Not alone. I can’t look at it just yet. But writing it down and reminding myself is good.
Recent Comments