I’ve been away at my brother’s house this week. I thought that I’d be around at my house for a few hours each day but it didn’t turn out that way. My brother had Noah for a week of vacation and so I was over there hanging out with Noah and family. My brother is out of town this weekend with his girlfriend and so I’m going to be taking care of Oakley (his dog) at his house. So I’ll be around a little bit, but I probably won’t really write a journal entry until Monday.
That’s all for now.
Julie
Today has just passed by and I’ve been just sort of here and not really focused or anything. I think my body is fighting a cold from forming, but I think this is the second time in the last two weeks, so I’m not sure if I’m going to prevent it. I hope so anyway, but it feels like maybe it is developing in my chest. I’m exhausted and not really taking extra care of myself in all of this. I need to.
I’m having something else going on physically that is concerning me. It’s just a wait and see thing at the moment. I think it is primarily due to the extreme stress I’ve/we’ve been under.
I’m also looking at issues and seeing that I, as Julie, probably have a bigger responsibility and part in things than I’ve realized before. Yes, others inside have their roles and dynamics and effect things, but I’m just as ‘guilty.’ So I guess now is a good time for me to look at it when I won’t have as much internal stuff going on since it is so quiet and empty in a way. I can still sense some insiders still around, but there is this disconnection that exists and things are still just different.
I feel like I need to write something and yet my words are scarce at the moment. Yet, it isn’t the deeper truth. There’s so much building within and whenever I am given a moment of connection with it, I hold my breath because I know how bad it is. The suicidal stuff rushes in like a stormy crashing wave. Then I end up feeling so very much on edge, wondering how long this will last and if it will pass without ever surfacing.
It’s so hard to find words for what is going on. It feels like things are whirling around me and inside me.
Recent Comments