Monthly Archives: August 2007

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Surgery Tomorrow

August 15, 2007 at 10:43 pm. Written by (and/or talking about) Julie/s. Tags: . 3 Comments

We are having surgery tomorrow, Thursday the 16th.  We are having Septoplasty and Rhinoplasty surgery for health reasons so that we can hopefully breathe through our nose!  For various reasons, I realize now that this has been a problem all my life, except I didn’t really become aware of it until the last year or so.  We have a big problem in being disconnected from the body and just unaware about a lot of things with it.  It’s only in the last few years we’ve been working on becoming more aware of it.  Anyway, in the last few months we’ve really been conscious of our breathing difficulties through the nose and have really wanted to fix it.

About a week and a half ago, I saw my PCP Dr. and talked to her about all my symptoms and did my best to advocate for a referral as I was pretty certain I needed surgery to fix my problem.  So I received a referral and I was given an appt. for Monday of this week.  I went to see the ENT Dr. on Monday and he did a relatively quick exam with his special equipment (not painful at all) and it was very evident to him what my problem was and that I needed surgery.  So they said, well, can you come in this Thursday for the surgery.  I said, um, “Yes…” all the while trying to process the whole idea of surgery so soon and sudden.  Anyway, so it is happening and it actually is the best time for it to be happening right now… insurance wise as well as schedule wise for the rest of this month.

I didn’t know until this morning what time the surgery was going to be and if it was 100% certain that I would be having the surgery.  So when I went in for my pre-op appt., everything was set for me to go in tomorrow morning.

My best friend is driving me to and from the day surgery place.  I’ll be returning to my mother’s house for the first 24 hours.  She is going to be with me until my mother returns from her afternoon dr.’s appt.  I’m not sure if I’ll be staying at my mother’s house beyond Friday.  We really want to be able to go home and recover there, but it is hard to know for sure how I’ll be feeling and any dr. recommendations and stuff.  It’s supposed to be a relatively quick recovery time (for the worst part of it) at least.  So I should be doing fairly okay within a week (or so I hope so anyway).  I know there is more recovery time, but the worst of it should be over with by then.

So anyway, chances are we won’t be around online or writing in our journal for a little while.  I really have no idea how things are going to transpire these next few days to a week.

Until later,

Julie/s

a “please help me” dream

August 14, 2007 at 1:07 am. Written by (and/or talking about) Julie/s. Tags: , , . 7 Comments

It’s weird to see the date of my last post and to be finally writing something again.  I didn’t realize it has been basically a week.  I think of this as the night of August 13th and not so much the 14th.  I’m so fatigued these days in writing.  I’ve so much to write about too.  I’m trying to tell myself to just not think about all that we need to write about and to just write a little bit about something at a time, when we can, as otherwise we get so overwhelmed and exhausted in just thinking about it.

I want to say quickly, before I forget, that I did have brief flashbacks of the dream I had last night (night of the 12th, early morning the 13th).  One of the things that I recall is me in adult form completely screwed up in the head and externally with those people around me.  I mean really overtly in behavior.  One scene that keeps repeating itself in my head is me curled up on the floor, unable to move, and there are a few other people around (not system members), and I know they are talking about me or aware of me and I’m so “out of it.”  They also seem very accustomed or used to me being overtly so screwed up and not masking things anymore.  So in the dream, I think I’m both alternating between being in my body in the dream and being outside my body observing it.

Continue reading ‘a “please help me” dream’

Bound Inside

August 6, 2007 at 10:12 am. Written by (and/or talking about) Julie. Tags: . 5 Comments

I’ve come here several times to write the last 2 days or so, but I can’t seem to write anything.  I know there is much to write about– it’s just that it seems stuck inside right now.  I’m tired and worn out emotionally.  We’re hanging on, but things just seem to be out of whack.  I’m also experiencing a ton of hypervigilance at home–keep hearing sounds that someone is coming into my apartment via the door or sliding glass door or window.  I experience panic and body freeze while trying to decipher the sounds and where they are coming from, while also trying to filter out the fear and determine whether there is real danger or not.  The sounds seem to be noticed whenever I’m trying to sleep or asleep (and wake up), irregardless whether it is daytime or nighttime.  It just seems like all of this is heightened and more intense and stressful lately.

There’s more but it is stuck inside for now.

Julie