i know i’m not supposed to be here. i’m trying really hard. really hard. things are so overwhelming and too much. need to get away from people for a long, long, long time. to hide away. to get things in this life fixed.
trying to breathe. remember to breathe. one day at a time. one moment at a time. it’s still too much. i don’t mean to be here but i needed to be heard. i heard some of the Julies and one was trying to convince herself she isn’t multiple and another was saying she’s fine and everything and we should just stop therapy and just stop looking at all this stuff. maybe it wasn’t someone/s from the Julies group. i don’t know. i think i’m supposed to know but i don’t. i just heard them from far away. they are big like the Julies are or they sound bigger and stronger and more okay than me or most in here. i mean they sound normal. and they really like to believe that they’re normal and there was someone around them that didn’t feel normal but she didn’t feel like she was a normal multiple either. like she just didn’t belong anywhere. and the ones who think they’re normal and they’re all big, they were talking as if or acting as if or something cuz i could tell and they were saying how they don’t lose time and stuff. but they’re wrong cuz i know. they just don’t realize they do. they don’t know that some kids came out tonight cuz of a thunderstorm and lightening and it was really, really loud and scary and then someone inside who likes to hear the thunder and see the lightening came out too and then later tonight some other kids came out cuz we saw something scary on the t.v. it was about scary animals and we saw a spider bite a little baby and then a big snake in the toilet. we were watching another show, just we would turn to that when the commercials were on instead of getting up and doing something. and they don’t get it that the kids were there. that we got our emmie bear and we were rubbing our fingers on her dress instead of fingers together and stuff. they don’t think they lost time but they did and just don’t remember it or something.
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