I’ve been thinking about some things lately. I don’t think a lot of people realize that I’m more than just what they read or see from time to time. For a long time Julie had me pegged as the “one who hates her mother.” She also thought of me as a “protector” and of course, protectors (according to her knowledge at the time) are only angry. The thing is she knew very little about me. After awhile she began to see that I am passionate against injustice and am protective of her friends, whom I like to think as sort of my friends (those that know me at least). I am now very protective of Noah and have disdain for mothers who abuse or neglect their children. Fathers too, but my affinity is greater towards mothers. I’ve never really had a relationship with Julie’s father other than general disgust at the pervert. As for Julie’s mother, well, I’m personally acquainted with her so called mothering of the past and to some degree from time to time, the present these days–mothering or grandmothering.
In recent years I’ve been educating Julie by revealing more of myself to her, and letting her in on more things instead of blocking her so much. I still block as needed, but I’m more apt to give her a chance to try and deal with whatever herself instead of jumping in right away like I used to for my usual defensive tasks. And much to her surprise when I became more involved in her online support network, she found that I could actually write normally. Well, I have to say, “duhhh” to that whole light bulb moment.