we’re not doing good and we don’t really know why.  struggling to not cut and stuff like that.  maybe just stuff going on inside, and stuff from the past.  maybe stuff from the present.

just a lot of sadness and heaviness.  having a hard time being big and grown-up and staying outfront and stuff to do those adult things.  we’re feeling pretty overwhelmed too with some stuff.  need to go to sleep but can’t seem to sleep.  fell asleep on couch cuz couldn’t sleep in bed last night.

just sadness and so much achyness inside. i know that isn’t a word for reals.

wonder if the others on the otherside will talk to Cec this year.  really don’t know for sure.  so many inside have remained hidden from Cec.  so many Wendy knows and so few Cec know.  it makes us extra sad for that.  sad that it is that way. sad that it is what it is. sad that it takes so long to trust and feel safe.

just deep sadness about a lot of stuff.

hope to have energy to write more about stuff later.  didn’t get the chance or have the energy or be around outfront even to write those things for thursday. oh well.  maybe another time.