it could be any number of things– really. it could truly be nothing. we are just hyper-sensitive to it right now. a strange call, but no message. we weren’t home. a call this evening with the phone number visible but the caller id states: The Underground. why? why did it have to state that of all things?? the phone number is busy in a way that we think it is permanently like that, but maybe not. probably some business but can’t find any info on the number unless we want to pay. we have no money for that right now and not sure how important it is anyway. one place says it is residential, but what kind of residence has a caller id name like that? it doesn’t make sense.
it’s stupid, we know. we just react to the stupidest things. but The Underground still means something to our system. it has before and it still does mean something. we have an Underground. it’s an exact mirror replication of what our system is like when it is “above ground.” well, as far as i know. i could be wrong– that is just my understanding but there’s a ton that i really don’t know about it. it’s just sort of my guess as to what i can figure out about it. we also have a regular underground. so when our regular underground goes Underground… it goes underground Underground. it is hard to explain.
not entirely sure, but pretty sure that in the past, when the system/our system has “gone Underground,” that something has triggered it to go into hiding and silence… a big no talk zone with extra strong walls and walls being replaced where they were taken down before, etc.
i know it is just coincidence, but i do hate it when it is stuff like this. when we are extra sensitive to it and some insiders read things into it. today was therapy and earlier today (before the phone call) we brought in some old drawings that was sra related and stuff and talked about them. k.o.d. also showed up for a little bit. i have a headache on the backside of my head towards the right for some reason now. not entirely behind my ear… sort of behind it but also more towards the back of my head. i guess around the halfway point between those two.
so of course we “told” and “did something wrong” and “they know” somehow and this is their way of sending us a message. i know, utterly ridiculous and something entirely separate from this. it really could be something very, very unrelated. it still doesn’t mean that it is just weird and the timing just really sucks, that’s all. and this number and caller id thing has never shown up in the past before. at least not that i’m aware of.
so i guess we needed to write about this. therapy went okay i think, maybe even good. i don’t really know for sure. i don’t remember much of it, but do have some pieces. it would have been really nice to have been allowed to tape it. it would be a good one to go over and listen to. we really hate not being able to and it is really rapidly becoming a bigger and bigger issue. just we’ve already talked about it, but we haven’t fought for it or i mean, fighting as in really pushing the issue and really saying what we think and feel and how super important it is to us rather than just asking for it meekly and then shutting up about it.
oh that’s right. just ask the ones who were there for the session. communicate inside. oh that’s right, of course. it works so well that way. it’s so easy that way. WRONG. in case you didn’t notice, that was sarcastic to the max with a tint of pissy attitude with it.
julies and us