I know this happens. I do. Just sometimes it shocks the hell out of me. Which sounds utterly stupid because this is my life as I’ve known it for like forever. But sometimes the awareness of it and the sheer realization of it is astounding. I just looked at the clock and it said 3:00 A.M. I had to do a double take and I replayed it through my mind in trying to process that yes, indeed, it truly was that time. It seems surreal. It is sort of like the confusion and disbelief of someone who has woken up after falling asleep at a strange time and is unsure if it is the evening or if it is the morning.
The last time I remember seeing the clock was around 11 pm, well, make that 11:40 pm the last time I was semi-aware of the time. I see Billie was out for part of the time. I don’t know if others were too. It’s just still weird to me and yet so normal to me at the same time. I am still in disbelief at the actual time– like how did that happen? It truly feels like only minutes have passed and not hours upon hours.
I don’t know– it’s hard for me to not call this writing stupid and senseless. It’s one of those things where I know what it is, and it’s part of my life, and we deal with it. It’s also one of those things that sometimes just “gets to me” pretty strongly at the weirdness and craziness of it all.
I’m not explaining myself well. Probably because this body is tired. It must be. I remember feeling tired around 10 and 11 P.M., let alone at 3 A.M. Sigh. Off to bed I go.
Julie
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