I know this happens. I do. Just sometimes it shocks the hell out of me. Which sounds utterly stupid because this is my life as I’ve known it for like forever. But sometimes the awareness of it and the sheer realization of it is astounding. I just looked at the clock and it said 3:00 A.M. I had to do a double take and I replayed it through my mind in trying to process that yes, indeed, it truly was that time. It seems surreal. It is sort of like the confusion and disbelief of someone who has woken up after falling asleep at a strange time and is unsure if it is the evening or if it is the morning.
The last time I remember seeing the clock was around 11 pm, well, make that 11:40 pm the last time I was semi-aware of the time. I see Billie was out for part of the time. I don’t know if others were too. It’s just still weird to me and yet so normal to me at the same time. I am still in disbelief at the actual time– like how did that happen? It truly feels like only minutes have passed and not hours upon hours.
I don’t know– it’s hard for me to not call this writing stupid and senseless. It’s one of those things where I know what it is, and it’s part of my life, and we deal with it. It’s also one of those things that sometimes just “gets to me” pretty strongly at the weirdness and craziness of it all.
I’m not explaining myself well. Probably because this body is tired. It must be. I remember feeling tired around 10 and 11 P.M., let alone at 3 A.M. Sigh. Off to bed I go.
Julie
Oh I know this so well, this losing of time and how it feels surreal, even while having a familiar ring to it.
I hope you can get some sleep. There’s one thing that I can hardly stand and that’s not getting enough sleep. Which I seldom do; my insomnia is the bane of my existence.
we understand what you are saying, and like you also said, after all of these years, being a part of our life, and it still astounds us. wishing you pleasant dreams and sound sleep!!
keepers
We may know dissociation happens (shit happens) but it doesn’t mean we have to be comfortable with it. It may just be how it is but how it is still gets to us sometimes. For me, time is all screwy. This new daylight savings time in Indy doesn’t help me at all. I didn’t get the whole concept of time anyway then to toss in a change threw me off big time. Now I look forward to screwed up time each and every year. I have no idea when daylight savings time starts or when I’m to turn my clocks back. Time with multiples is odd because what happens for one of us may not happen for another. We don’t’ always share space or we don’t share it as equally as we think we do so time gets screwed up.
One of the reasons I date and time my entries is so that when one of me goes back to the blog to read what we’ve been up to they know not just what we did but what time the blog entry got up. It’s a way to gauge who did what but also who did what and when. When working with so many alters that are frontrunners we have to try and keep track of us any way we can. For us that time stamp helps. It’s OCD stuff too but it’s also an anchor so we know who did what and when.
Austin
losing time sucks and even worse knowing you have sucks more