We are trudging along. Exhausted. Emotionally Drained. Fine. Okay. Not Okay. Little things that tell us things are spilling out from the stretched out seams of our walls and masks and “okayness.” Holding it together, trying to pull those seams inward and to tighten them before a thread pokes out noticeably and then unravels quickly, ever increasing in speed and intensity… and then more follow suit.
Good things and joy and just a pleasant and forever (I hope so anyway) memory and a moment in time cherished with my nephew on Sunday. We hope to write about it. It’s just an ordinary average day spent with him, well, several hours actually, but it still was meaningful and precious to me/us in so many ways, and I’m thinking it might have been for him too. I hope so at least, but if not, that’s okay– it’s a beautiful memory that I have and that fills my heart.
So a lot of different things. Not sure why we haven’t been around here writing. Don’t know what is going on with us. But we’re here and around and trying to come back around again. We are unbelievably behind in reading journals of our friends– somehow got lost somewhere and stopped really reading them. Really don’t understand what the not writing and not really reading means and just disconnection and here, but not here, thing going on. Just don’t understand or can’t put words into it, and yet recognize it– we’ve been here or somewhere very similar many times before. I don’t like it in a lot of ways and it needs to change. Yet it seems we fall back on it a lot. Perhaps it is a form of dissociation or related to it- a distancing, a disconnection, a something from as much as possible things and people around us and within us.
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