I guess we are here again with some brief things to say. Although that usually ends up turning into a lengthy entry, but we’ll see I suppose.
1. melie was around a lot last night. It is never a good sign when she is so close to the front or upfront and experiencing her anxiety and panic attacks and needs to get away from everyone and everything and hide from people, expectations, demands, people, and on and on it goes. The overwhelmed feelings, anxiety, panic, etc. are so intense when she is around. The need to run away and hide, and if we can’t do that, then to disconnect and have no contact with people, is just so high when she is near the front or outfront.
2. We had 2 appts Friday and was late to both of them, but the 2nd appt– we tried really hard to get there on time. Mostly it was having to go to the bathroom right before we left, combined with holiday traffic, and that cinched it for being about 10-15 minutes late. It was no big deal there and it worked out okay. Just still trying to work through the lasting worry and anxiety with being so late to the 1st appt (though seemingly okay and gone, it still remains in the “file that proves badness” to haunt us and be relived at some other moment in the future when whatever event reminds us or triggers us to have flashbacks of our “proof of badness” accompanied with all the negative feelings. I know this, because this is just how it has been all my life with things. At least I’m able to identify it more. It just isn’t easy to change or to fight against, mostly because I so believe all of it, especially with the proof, etc. Whatever. It’s complicated.