we had a really rough time trying to fall asleep last night. when we actually went to bed, we just kept tossing and turning, mostly due to what we think might have been body memories. we kept feeling stuff on the body or feeling stuff crawling on us or something. we couldn’t figure out what the sensation actually felt like because it felt a little bit like crawling, but not quite that either. we just kept feeling weird body and skin sensations over all kinds of areas on the body. it wasn’t located in one place which we often have.
there was also at least one kid who was outfront b/c we remember vaguely hearing her say some words in her own language and even though we don’t remember the body movements, we remember she was distressed and the body moved. we think this happened a few times, but not all in a row. it is so foggy and fuzzy, but we do know we spent a long time dealing with all that while we were trying to fall asleep. and we kept having all these body-skin sensations. and i’m having a few of them right now too. it feels more like skin stuff and less like pressure and pain and not sure, but i think it is coming from the outside versus from the inside out. what we mean is that sometimes we can feel the urge to cut and it is always localized in a certain place and we can feel it from within the body..like from inside the body the sensations are there and they are coming inside out. and sometimes on some of the localized pressure and pain body memories, there is something similar to that inside out feeling but it also has an outside feeling to it as well. this seems more outside only. it might have inside out stuff with it, but we can’t tell. it keeps moving from one or several small specific places on the body to other specific places on the body and it is jumping around randomly (or seems that way) and it is a light kind of feeling.
maybe it is just some weird body thing and not a body memory. we can’t make sense of it. i suppose we should ask inside. and something was going on with that girl and possibly others who were upset and talking in their language.
we’ve got to go. i just wanted to say this before it gets stuck somewhere inside unsaid. some inside also have really needed to call Cec and leave a message just to tell her stuff so that she knows and hears, but it hasn’t happened yet. i think maybe some others inside are trying to prevent it.
julie with Julie close-by
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