we’re here and hanging in there. things have been hard in some ways and okay in other ways. we’ve had some social time this last week with friends and that has been good and at the same time, it builds up and has gotten to be too much for us. we’ve been needing alone time and we’ve had some of that. we need to get ready and leave and go visit our family and see Noah and Hunter and stuff for Easter. it’s fun to hide eggs and stuff and have them hunt for eggs. we forgot to charge the video camera battery. we have Bryan’s video camera here and need to remember to bring it with us.
we’ve been trying to think of some kind of small gift thing to get the boys instead of getting them a bunch of candy. we got them tons of cheap (after valentine’s day) candy cuz we saw them a week or so after valentine’s day. they liked the surprise and that was cool. we’re thinking of giving them money that equals their age and a baseball card pack each and a hot wheel car. something different than usual. we hate just giving money but we haven’t done that in awhile as we usually find some sort of board or card game or some other small thing to get, but this would be a change and they both get excited about cash.
we’re trying to remember to breathe when we start feeling overwhelmed and panicking and full of anxiety. it’s so hard for us to leave the house so often and if we push past it, it is like it just gets buried and builds up at another point and then hits us full force and knocks us down or nearly down.
we hope to have some energy to write more about what’s going on next week. we are leaving today to stay the night at the mom’s or brother’s house and will be home sometime sunday evening. we were going to take the bus to mom’s house but then we remembered we wanted to get our dishes washed as they have piled up, especially since we sliced and cut our pinkie finger accidentally when washing a drinking glass and had to go to the er for that.
it’s all okay, but has 4 stitches we have to go and have taken out next week.
the pictures are from our friend, myriad’s, cell phone and their photo gallery.
the dishes were already piled up before the accident and now they are kind of worse. we kind of giggle at the idea of taking dishes home to mom’s house to wash in the dishwasher instead of laundry. but we might not. we might just wait and do it later here at our apt. i don’t know. if we do take our car we could maybe make ourselves vacuum it and stuff at the mom’s house cuz it is very dirty and in need of a cleaning. so maybe will try to make ourselves get stuff done.
even though this is a really general life blurb there is lots of stuff going on inside. we’ve been working hard on some issues and also having stuff come up. it just takes too much energy and time right now to write about, but we will. we have to. it hurts too much and is so hard, but we’re surviving. i guess that is what matters.
this is a note to ourselves that we have to write about all the ick stuff related to the easter and spring holiday stuff. we need to write it down and document it and keep track of it. stuff we couldn’t have made up but worry somehow our crazy brain is doing all this to us and not telling us and then stuff where we start to believe the bad sra stuff is real for us but then it is just too hard to believe and so then we think it is our crazy brain hurting us and playing tricks on us and being mean and bad to us but then we think maybe not cuz that be a lot of work for our brain and we know we not do it purposefully and so it is subconscious and so that makes it seem real to us and hard to deny but what if our subconscious brain is aware of itself and controlling it or our subconscious brain has its own conscious crazy self purposefully playing tricks on us and making it only seem subconscious and real to us since we know our conscious brain isn’t making stuff up and it is all happening without meaning for it to happen. we don’t expect anyone really to understand that craziness but it makes perfect sense to us even if we don’t explain it right. we’ve explained it better before to friends and therapists. we will try explaining it another time here better.
julies and Julies around