Uggh, it is hard to believe how much time keeps passing in between our journal entries lately.  It doesn’t seem like that much time has passed, even though I’m aware that some time has passed.  It’s just, it doesn’t seem like 2 or 3 weeks or whatever it keeps being lately. We are going to be changing that.  We have to and need to.

I seem antsy today and anxious, but not entirely sure what it is about.  Last night, L.J. and some of the kids were emotionally upset and very sensitive to just normal communications with Sean’s parents, his roommates, and Sean.  They were just positive that they were terribly bad and had done stuff wrong and kept doing stuff wrong by simply speaking and saying things and voicing opinions and getting excited about stuff.  Anyway, Sean helped them through it, but in the process, L.J. said some of the kids were triggered by the way Sean and us were sitting in our chairs and stuff and the way Sean was sitting.  Really frustrating and dumb stuff because we know Sean et al is/are safe and yet stupid shit has to happen like that.  And L.J. was upset and sorry for saying it, but she said she was saying it cause she heard and felt what the other one/s were thinking and feeling.

Sigh.  So there’s that, but additionally, last night there were some talking in their own language aloud while we were cleaning the shower and alone and they were upset.  This was just before L.J. and some of us spoke with Sean about being upset and feeling bad, etc.  And within the past week, there was some very intense talking aloud to one another while taking a shower and it was all in their own language.  I don’t know what was said in either their language or the English translation.  I could tell though and have the intellectual knowledge memory that they were definitely having intense conversation and feelings because of the vocal inflections and various things like that.  Something that even without understanding another language, those things still come across pretty clear to us.  So clearly those from the otherside are around, except this group that’s been talking in their language… it seems like they are the group we’ve noticed before that speaks the same or similar language as those from the otherside and darker, but this group that’s been speaking recently, they aren’t dark (or as dark) and they have a very different energy feel to them, but yet they speak either the same or very similar language.  And this language they speak is not any foreign language that I’ve ever heard of.  I don’t know if it is some cult language or if it is our own made up language or something.  I’ve sometimes wondered if it was just the brain making up total crap and shit in the moment each time, but I’ve noticed before in the past and have been astonished when certain phrases are repeated from time to time.  It astounds me, even though of course it would be this way, but still, it astounds me that I can’t recall or repeat these phrases that often show up amidst other things said.  And yet, months later when it has been pretty much silent to my knowledge, they’ll come out suddenly and speak emphatically about something and talk aloud and say these phrases among other words they say and I’ll hear them momentarily and realize that hey, I’ve heard that before, but then within seconds afterwards, I’m unable to recall it.  But then, that’s my life and so it really shouldn’t surprise me or be that astonishing and yet it still amazes me.  So then I think that if certain phrases haven’t been voiced for months and months reappear amidst other things being said, that perhaps it isn’t a bunch of bull shit made up in the moment vocal sounds of some bizarre strange ass language.  I truly have a hard time explaining what this language is or sounds like.

In the past we used to try to write down immediately what was heard, even if we could only remember a piece of it here or there, and just write it down phonetically.  So we have a lot of scraps of paper with it along with a compiled list one time of some of the phrases.  We need to be doing that again as it seems like there’s a lot of new stuff that I don’t think is on the list.  I wish someone inside would translate, but nobody in here seems to know or be willing to share or able to share any kind of English translation.

And so I’ve/we’ve sidetracked.  We have therapy today.  Someone inside sarcastically said, “Yay.”  Sigh.  That’s another area where things aren’t going so well.  I know we’ll be talking about it with Cec, but the energy involved in doing so along with the energy involved in having to find a therapist, well, it sucks and is draining.  But we have to find a new therapist as Cec just isn’t working out for us, even though she is a good therapist.

I need to go for now, but we’re going to write more– we really are going to work on getting back to our every other day or few days or sometimes daily writing.

Julie/s