so we’ve been having a hard time in many ways and in other ways, we’re fine. we’ve been hanging on as best as we can without therapy since december 1st–a large part of it is our fault due to lack of follow through but some of it is also just life and the fallout of what happens without therapy… functioning becomes harder and harder and so follow through becomes that much more difficult and scarier, anxiety producing, etc.

every now and then we have the energy to call some therapists to find out their availability, insurance, and if they have any experience treating multiples, but mostly haven’t had any luck. so we pull out our lists and phone book and make some more calls, slowly plugging away at it and then it is put away for weeks at a time. it’s so overwhelming and draining.

things are going great between sean (and all) and us. we’re making some progress towards wedding planning and stuff. so very glad we have almost a year and a half yet to plan.

we’ve been having such a hard time writing and have kept hoping it would change, but it hasn’t really. so i guess we’ll keep hoping and keep striving towards getting back to writing.

today is a rough day for us. there’s some memories? (hard to say aloud and admit to that it might be true and say and act as though it is true) about stuff surrounding this day and some abuse done to some inside. trying to get up the courage to say what it is here.

got to go for now. too anxious and need to go back to bed. we did get up and tried to get a few things done around the house. two small things just doesn’t seem like enough, especially when there is such a long list of things left to do.

julies