We are so freaking ass exhausted and stressed out. It sucks. The anxiety inside is just nuts. We need to hide away in bed and not leave the house or anything for a few days or more in a row. I can sense a crash coming on. We still have to push ourselves until this weekend is over with, but omg, the crash seems so ominous. We’re an internal wreck. We’re trying to manage the external stimuli and external crap in our life. We’re barely pulling through with that and some might observe and say we’re sucking at it and what the fuck is our problem. We’re doing the best we can and so oh well the fuck if it ain’t ok for you.
Not really. The defenses are up because the self criticism is high and the anxiety is way the fuck high but most people wouldn’t notice or realize because we hide the anxiety for the most part and experience it deep internally. Hmmm… or maybe we just think we’re hiding it and really we’re not. Sean has made comments in the past that tell us he can sense and see it.
Whatever. Just needed to bitch and whine. Just fucking exhausted and barely making it right now. We’ve been doing too much this past weekend and week and it is totally taking its gigantic toll on us. When shit like this happens without meaning to have these reactions and crap, it just makes us realize why the fuck we can’t work and function and that we’re still not ready to go back to work. And right now with some money probs and worries cuz of some other stuff happening, working would really help right now but we just can’t do it. The cost is way too high and we’d crash and burn and fuck it all up and also be a total hell to be living with and omg, we can remember so clearly those crazy ass days. This isn’t self-fulfilling it is just the fucking reality and it sucks that it is that way. Oh well the hell. Back to trying to get shit done and to keep trudging away at this whole healing journey and getting our life and system together. We’re just so damn exhausted with everything, emotionally and physically.
B.J.
B.J.
I know what those shitty days feel like and how out of control it feels t know that you might have a melt down. I felt this way recently where I didn’t leave the house for a few days, canceled therapy appointments, etc… I know it’s a trite saying, but I have to quote that “This too shall pass.” If you can just white knuckle this crappy days, uee whatever positive coping skills you can, you’ll see the other side and it won’t be as daunting and you’ll feel better.
At least that’s what I’m hoping for you.
Stay strong and take care. We’re thinking of you.
Missing In Sight