We’ve been swamped with a lot of external changes, demands, internal struggles, internal processing of things, and it feels like the list goes on.
We missed group tonight and we really, really wanted to go. We needed to attend group but this surge of overwhelming exhaustion hit us while we went downstairs to do one final coat of painting before group, but we could only get a small portion of it done before we suddenly became extremely exhausted. It is frustrating when this happens… when we think we’re in a space to do something and make strides or progress on something, then we start it and within minutes we are ‘shut down’ in a sense with utter exhaustion, sleepiness, and this inability to fight against it. It is the most frustrating when it happens suddenly and when I think I’m rested enough or have worked ourselves into a space to do something. I feel so out of control and helpless about it. I know it has to be something internal and we have some ideas about where it comes from, but we just don’t know enough about it yet. And sadly, I feel pretty strongly we’ve been battling and trying to work through this damn particular problem for years and years now. I guess we get closer and closer to it and a little bit of chipping away at it over the years, but damn, I just want it over with and to stop!
So we had to stop our painting and we went and laid down in hopes that it would help some so we could get up and head to group, but alas, we crashed very hard and Sean had to wake us so we could call someone in group to let them know we wouldn’t make it. Uggh, it sucks. We’re just so damn exhausted and pushing hard at trying to finish painting the bedroom Sean and I are moving back downstairs into again and then we’ve got a crap load of boxes to move over along with some furniture and other misc belongings that we haven’t moved over here yet. Then comes the big job of cleaning (deep, OCD stuff for us) and organizing, and trying to get some order into our stuff and Sean’s stuff. Uggh, and that’s just the beginning of numerous things we’ve got to somehow get done asap in our life to have some order and maybe some manageability to it.
We’re supposed to be moved out in a week and our plan is to be done by next Wednesday so we can turn in the keys Thursday morning and do the inspection with our apt mgr. We want our deposit back and so we’ll be going overboard in our cleaning. It’s not that dirty right now, but it wasn’t all that spiffy (in our opinion) when we moved in. We are very detail-oriented and their type of cleaning is not our idea of deep cleaning. We could list a number of things that we found wrong and gross, but that’s beside the point. We’re going to do our best to have time to do the cleaning we think is necessary to make sure there is no question we can get our deposit back. It will very likely be much cleaner than when we moved in. Anyway, we have a ton of physical moving to do amongst a ton of little things to do to finish preparing our bedroom here at Sean’s house and then we have more physical moving of furniture and things to go downstairs into it, aside from all the cleaning to do before and during all of that.
So that’s our whine or update or whatever you want to call it. We’re stressed and trying hard to hang in there. At the moment I guess we’re doing ok, meaning when we crashed, we crashed hard tonight, but then woke up with some clear headedness and not so much energy but an ‘okayness’ so we could finish the final coat of painting, minus the closet final coat because we ran out of paint. All that is left is touch up along the edges and trim and the closet and bedroom door. Well, we still have to deep clean the window and wash the window trim, prep it with the nail indenting and putty, priming and painting. We figure we’ll get to that later, but we do want to get to it soon as we want the room finished, but at least it is something that can wait if we don’t get to it before the furniture and things go in there. So Sean and I have a lot left to do together but it is slowly getting done. We had hoped to have all the painting done and nearly everything moved out of my apt by now, but oh well, it will get done in time somehow.
We’re just tired and stressed. We didn’t get anywhere close to our goal of dealing with our ridiculous number of boxes and storage containers of crap that we need to go through and discard or file, find a place for, etc. We made some progress in regards to our old handwritten journal entries and have things even more organized than before and ready to continue the organizing process of all of our therapy journal stuff and other therapy oriented writings and whatnot. So that is a plus as we intend to scan them eventually and probably post them here to be read, although some we may make private or password protect. Not sure entirely yet what will occur.
Anyway, our next week is going to be super busy and we’re trying very hard to hang in there, hold on, and to keep trudging along until the worst of things is over with, and I suspect and halfway expect (based on past experience and what I know about us) that we’ll crash hard when the move is complete. Our therapist is leaving on vacation on Saturday for a week and so we had our last session this past Tuesday until the 22nd. We’re definitely getting attached to her and I hope it is a healthy attachment this time and not something unhealthy, but who knows.
We’re just exhausted and stressed and trying really hard to not totally crash just yet and the 2 days in a row that we crashed this last week, I’m hoping we can keep that minimal this next week when things get even more stressful with all the additional moving and cleaning and things that are just stressful and take a lot of energy out of us when our body physically can’t do it as much, let alone emotionally manage so much stuff all at once.
The other big news in my life is that I’m anxiously awaiting the arrival of my niece. My brother and his wife are expecting her to be born anyday now. I can’t wait!
Until later… and goodness, we really plan and expect to be writing on a much more regular basis after this next week is over with!
Julies (and others around)