Tag Archive for 'Dreams'

dream with huge spiritual battle

Published
by
JAGA
on August 11, 2008
in Unknown, julie (lc) and julie/s (lc)
. 0 Comments Tags: , .

we have these spiritual battle dreams a lot. we used to have them much more often and much more scarier and different. i guess we’re getting stronger or just used to them more and more. i think some of it is that we’re less afraid than we used to be and feel more powerful that the evil can’t get us like before. but some inside are saying it all depends on who is outfront and close by as to how fearful it can be. but i was thinking that maybe something has changed still over the years. like somehow some inside trust more that others inside that are big or something will keep them safe. it’s hard to say that some inside trust more that god will keep them safe, but i don’t know, maybe.

i feel different. i feel like julie and yet i don’t feel like her at all. and i don’t quite feel like i’m one of the julies. it’s strange. i guess really i’m just from a different group and really close to julie. like really close. i feel stupid and dumb that i can’t figure out who i am and what group i’m with and it makes me feel like we’re really a fake multiple and bad and stupid even though i know we’re not fake. i mean i know we’re multiple. we just have times where stuff like this is blocked when we come outside or close to the outside. i think sometimes this happens more often with multiples who have lots and lots of insiders, but maybe it happens to those who don’t have as many insiders too. i don’t know for sure. i can’t remember what other multiples with smaller systems have said they experienced. i just know that other large systems have said they experience the same thing sometimes. whatever. i got off track big time. oh well.

that right there tells me i’m definitely not julie cuz she writes and talks a bit differently, especially when she’s journaling. okay, someone inside is yelling at me to shut up and now they are saying shut the fuck up. so i better.

so we had this huge and i mean huge spiritual battle dream. there were tons and tons of people, more dark than light it seemed. and of course the dark people tricked us a lot into looking like the light people we knew sometimes and instead of being on our side and us trusting them, it would turn out that they were trying to kill us and suffocate us with the dark and overpower us and for us to know that they are everywhere and very powerful and we couldn’t get away or do anything to stop them or trust or turn to the light. that the light with jesus and god up in heaven can’t help us. that they are less powerful and weak. that the dark is everywhere and always powerful. that the only light there is, is the light that is dark. the dark light is everywhere and more powerful than the other light cuz it can trick us and make us think it is the real light and if they can do that, then of course they are more powerful and better than the other light because the other light can never trick us into thinking it is the dark cuz they wouldn’t ever want to cuz it is only about light. but if it was really all powerful it could be light and dark. and that is how the dark light is more powerful and better.

i don’t know where that came from but it came out without thinking really. somebody must have been writing with me and stuff. it’s kind of scary to think about or read that. so i won’t. well, not for awhile at least. i think the hands are shaking and starting to feel that scared and trembly feeling inside the body and in the fingers cuz we know we’re going to send this and people might read it. oh boy. oh well. we can do this. our voice is getting louder these days. it’s different than the kind of “oh well. we dare you to come get us (cause secretly we want you to so you will kill us for us) kind of louder voice. ” it’s the kind of louder voice of we’re stronger than you and we have people on our side and you can’t get us and if you do, you’re in big, big trouble. well, some inside are informing me that is not the case for other kids inside and they don’t believe that. i guess what matters is that some of us inside are starting to believe this and feel this and also take action by writing and sending and telling. so even if all of us are not there yet, a few of us at least are. that’s good. i think at least. no, i know that is good.

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Dream Themes

Published
by
JAGA
on March 27, 2008
in Julies and Us
. 1 Comment Tags: , .

We had another dream theme where it was evil versus good and it involved S-tan and Jesus and using Jesus and G-d to fight S-tan and evil d-mons and stuff.  This is one of our typical dream themes, but it doesn’t happen all the time, and so we wanted to document that we had another one of these types of dreams.

It involved children, adults, many types of animals, inanimate objects, water, house or building levels, trickery, tongues and colors and types of teeth, and a little bit of magick, as well as pills of some kind.  For the most part the evil was winning the fight, but at the very end, we discovered that under certain conditions we could take a pill after something happened and reverse the effects of the evil and if we did it quietly and carefully we could get enough good ones converted back to good and really use the power of all of us to fight and win, with G-d and Jesus’s help of course.  We had to do it very quietly and carefully and pretend to be “evil” and “converted to evil” but really deep down we are good and fighting and trying to win the battle and not let them win completely.

We also remember that Jesus showed up in the dream unexpectedly–we can remember seeing him to some degree… his clothing and a little bit of his face, but mostly just remember the knowledge that he appeared.  We remember that it was a surprise and big thing and much needed in the dream, but we can’t remember the situation before, during, or after he appeared.  We’re afraid it was a trick, but pretty sure that this time it wasn’t a trick Jesus but the real Jesus.

We woke up before any real resolution one way or the other, but at least we woke up where hope was returning in the dream after we discovered that under certain conditions if we took these pills, that we could erase the bad and evil and return to good and at the same time, hide the good and pretend to be evil around the evil people while trying to spread the good and win the battle.

Us and Julies

The Pits In All Its Glory

Published
by
JAGA
on February 2, 2008
in Julie
. 5 Comments Tags: , .

I don’t know what to do or why things are the way they are, and yet they are the usual frustrations.

We’ve been up all night- again.

Yesterday, on the 1st, after being up all night (31st-1st) and then sleeping during the day on the 1st, we had a horrible dream with a lot of spiritual attacking and fighting and just your general yuck-o kind of thing.  It seems the attacks are returning.  A little different than before, but still stressful and ’staying’ with us for awhile.

I don’t really know why we’re not going to bed sooner.  I think part of it is that we’ve got ourselves into a bad pattern, but the other part of it seems resistance to go to bed.  Something that we just can’t seem to do in the nighttime hours these days and I really don’t like sleeping on the couch as it isn’t good for our back or comfortable really, although we can dissociate all of that… but still, really need to be in bed.

Our apartment is one gigantic mess.  I saw this coming and kept trying to do something about it before it got like this, but alas, it is what it is.  And it is overwhelming and we can’t seem to do anything about it.  The ones inside who can do this stuff without that many problems are nowhere to be found.  The rest of us have our own issues, depression, etc.

I’ve wondered today how much of it is depression, how much of it is motivation, how much of it is fatigue, or how much of it is learned helplessness.  How much of it is being lazy and bad, and how much of it is something we just don’t understand.  How much of it is payback for delving into dangerous territory with The Function Keys and how much is it about us telling things and hence, punishment by some in the system.  How much is it the stress of moving and how much of it is the fear of moving. (even with some excitement, there are mixed emotions about stuff) How much is it that we have visions and plans of how to make the most of this move and cleaning out our boxes and stuff and thus, gets us closer to living, and as a result and to keep that from happening, we’re being forced to not be able to do anything productive.  It’s hard to explain without going into details and just too damn tired to bother.  We understand what it is.  The constant fucking problem and catch-22 bind.  The freaking programming I guess is what it is.  I mean none of that is real or true for us anyway of course.

Sigh.

We need help and yet there is fear in asking and badness in asking.  It’s stupid and yet we feel so very unworthy of help.  Like we don’t give enough to anybody in this life as it is and so how dare we think of asking for any help.  And if we actually think of asking and then do it, then there is this belief and pressure that we owe them back big time and that causes stress too.  Then there is the constant struggle and battle of “we have to do it on our own” and “we have to work this out on our own,” and like it is some kind of failure or something to need help with this, especially since we know a lot of it is symbolically tied to our inside.

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