Tag Archive for ‘Dreams’

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The Pits In All Its Glory

February 2, 2008 at 7:20 am. Written by (and/or talking about) Julie. Tags: , . 5 Comments

I don’t know what to do or why things are the way they are, and yet they are the usual frustrations.

We’ve been up all night- again.

Yesterday, on the 1st, after being up all night (31st-1st) and then sleeping during the day on the 1st, we had a horrible dream with a lot of spiritual attacking and fighting and just your general yuck-o kind of thing.  It seems the attacks are returning.  A little different than before, but still stressful and ‘staying’ with us for awhile.

I don’t really know why we’re not going to bed sooner.  I think part of it is that we’ve got ourselves into a bad pattern, but the other part of it seems resistance to go to bed.  Something that we just can’t seem to do in the nighttime hours these days and I really don’t like sleeping on the couch as it isn’t good for our back or comfortable really, although we can dissociate all of that… but still, really need to be in bed.

Our apartment is one gigantic mess.  I saw this coming and kept trying to do something about it before it got like this, but alas, it is what it is.  And it is overwhelming and we can’t seem to do anything about it.  The ones inside who can do this stuff without that many problems are nowhere to be found.  The rest of us have our own issues, depression, etc.

I’ve wondered today how much of it is depression, how much of it is motivation, how much of it is fatigue, or how much of it is learned helplessness.  How much of it is being lazy and bad, and how much of it is something we just don’t understand.  How much of it is payback for delving into dangerous territory with The Function Keys and how much is it about us telling things and hence, punishment by some in the system.  How much is it the stress of moving and how much of it is the fear of moving. (even with some excitement, there are mixed emotions about stuff) How much is it that we have visions and plans of how to make the most of this move and cleaning out our boxes and stuff and thus, gets us closer to living, and as a result and to keep that from happening, we’re being forced to not be able to do anything productive.  It’s hard to explain without going into details and just too damn tired to bother.  We understand what it is.  The constant fucking problem and catch-22 bind.  The freaking programming I guess is what it is.  I mean none of that is real or true for us anyway of course.

Sigh.

We need help and yet there is fear in asking and badness in asking.  It’s stupid and yet we feel so very unworthy of help.  Like we don’t give enough to anybody in this life as it is and so how dare we think of asking for any help.  And if we actually think of asking and then do it, then there is this belief and pressure that we owe them back big time and that causes stress too.  Then there is the constant struggle and battle of “we have to do it on our own” and “we have to work this out on our own,” and like it is some kind of failure or something to need help with this, especially since we know a lot of it is symbolically tied to our inside.

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dream/s last night- battles, abuse validation, rescue

January 13, 2008 at 4:36 pm. Written by (and/or talking about) Uncategorized. Tags: , . 0 Comments

fell asleep in recliner around midnight. mostly b/c we couldn’t make selves go move body to bed. resisted the bed. slept for 2 hours. awoke at 2am. put body to bed. but couldn’t fall back asleep, even though tired. tried to sleep for over an hour, but mind awake, body tossed and turned. gave up and was awake for hours. went to bed around 7am or so. fell asleep, awoke at least once…maybe 2-3 times, but don’t remember what the clock said, and fell back asleep. woke up at 2pm. stressed due to the time and that we said we’d be over at brother’s house to see noah in the late morning. had ocd stuff come up strong and lots of patterning and numbering in order to get out of bed. managed to get up after 20 min of that, which is better than it could have been. remembered in bed pieces of dream. realized we have to write it down even though we need to go see our nephew. but the dream pieces are important too. revealing.

overall the theme was another spiritual battle type dream. evil trying to take over and hurt us and other people with or around us and us trying to fight it with Jesus and G-d and stuff like that with our words we know and other things. in the dream it had some weird stuff in it, but also some revealing stuff to it. we had 3 lives… basically reincarnated, and each time we were in a different situation around people and different life of course too, but our job was to fight the evil and oddly, to help others fight the evil too and know G-d and Jesus and stuff. we say oddly cuz we so do not try converting people or anything religious like that. we fought evil against ourselves and others and helped others to do so each life. it was like our mission in life. and we did it.

a lot of miscellaneous weird stuff that is fuzzy to recall and write about. a few things stand out. at some point, the wizard of oz theme came up…it was very clear to us that’s what it was. although there were only some aspects of it that were part of the dream. a big spiritual battle was done with this. the wizard of oz stuff is not odd to see in dream, but surprising and validating, as we have heard of it being part of inner landscape in some way and having a part in abuse, but not really knowing if it was for real or not. didn’t think of wiz of oz stuff at all last night or recently that we know of consciously so the fact it was in dream makes it all the more validating since it was sub-conscious. and the stuff surrounding the use of it connects the validation.

something about a wall (haha) and how one side is the good area and another side is the evil area. how there are these brick road things that i don’t recall being yellow at all on each side (but the evil side one is fuzzy and not sure it is like that), and how the evil side sort of had this like black hole pit thing that could swallow you up…also kind of like a lake or something. it is very hard to describe, because it was neither of those and yet it was something funky and kind of like that. it is also really fuzzy which makes it hard to be clear what it was. what we do know is that we had to sing songs about Jesus and G-d and also say things to fight the evil away and the stronger we got, the more we could go over to the otherside (the evil side). then we would do a little bit of the same on that side, but a brick pavement at a time in a way. we weren’t alone doing this, but i think the number of people (not a crowd either..so not a lot of ppl) would vary. the evil ones… the ones part of the wiz of oz that were there and some others would glower and try to fight it with their powers, but we kept winning. at some point we were able to touch individual bricks with our hands. we would say something and if we didn’t fall through or the brick didn’t melt away, then what we said was true. so we said the following things:

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Today’s Oddities

November 26, 2007 at 3:22 pm. Written by (and/or talking about) Julies. Tags: , , . 2 Comments

We are fighting a cold. We are sick, though we are better today, considering yesterday and Saturday. We’ve been sleeping like crazy. We just woke up from a nap and had the weirdest dream with Wendy in it.

The gist is that something serious is going on with her… seems emotional and physical at the same time. Something sort of bizarre if you ask us, as we had not seen something like this before with her. She also was in the process of moving her office and there was this weird thing about a road and how one road to get there was safer than another road. At one point there was a mention of taking the bus as she wasn’t sure she’d be able to drive anymore. Weird is all I can say. What’s strange is that part of the dream indicates it is more city like (hence, the bus option), but another part of the dream indicates it is more like an island of sorts where her new office is and with at least one way that doesn’t feel the safest to travel by to get there, although in some ways it is safe.

There were other weird things that happened. It’s all jumbled up. The basics is that I pass by Wendy in sort of like a parking lot thing… relatively open parking lot that is kind of small, but not too small. Seems like one person is around me and it is Sue, my mom’s roommate. But she’s only in my dream because I have to go pick her up from the hospital today asap and so she’s on my mind to not oversleep too terribly long before getting ready to leave. Anyway, I see Wendy, and we brave up the courage to ask her for a hug, and she seems to think about it for a minute or so, but then agrees. Some inside say she readily agreed and that they noticed that she agreed pretty quickly like somehow suddenly it was okay and things were okay again.

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