Hunter wanted his mom to read him his books and so it all worked out. I did offer to read him a book or two, but he was ready for his mom to tuck him into bed, which is understandable.

Last night I showed up at Bryan’s house a little bit after 10 P.M. The boys were still awake (of course) and Bryan was practically asleep on the couch and the boys seemed to be watching T.V. They asked if I would play XBox with them and hoped that Bryan would play too so that we could be on teams. I hesitated and paused and finally said, yes, but only for a little bit, because it was late and I didn’t want to participate in fully keeping them up when I thought they needed to be in bed. It was one of those things where I knew if I said no, they would be up anyway and would play the game anyway, and Bryan was half asleep and half awake and he would have likely balked (especially if the kids balked) at me suggesting and encouraging or telling and putting them to bed. So I tried to find a happy medium and keep it to a short time limit. Bryan opted to not play and so I played with the boys for a little bit–between 30-45 minutes. I let them know about midway through that they had 20 minutes left and then it was bedtime and Noah asked about watching TV for the last 10 minutes of it. I said okay but checked to see what Hunter thought about that and he wanted to keep playing and so I said they could either compromise and work it out together or we’d flip a coin. They opted to flip a coin… and it ended up in Noah’s favor. So they did stop playing when a round of the xbox game ended and when they started watching TV, I warned them that they would have to stop in the middle of a show and Noah said he knew. I was so pleased with Noah when he surprised me by taking up the responsibility of turning the t.v. off (before I said anything) when the time was up. I was so shocked… it is something I have been working on with Noah (for him to pay attention to the time limits he is given with things and then make the appropriate choice). [I've actually specifically talked with him about it like that (including using the responsibility word) in the past] And I just wasn’t even thinking or expecting him to take full responsibility like that last night (just spaced what I was working on with him)… I expected to give him a last minute warning of x number of minutes and then let him know when the time was up. Since there was so few minutes left to watch T.V., I ended up spacing the last minute warning, and then when the time had come up and I was just realizing the time had arrived, Noah beat me to it and just turned off the t.v. on his own. I was so proud of him for paying attention to the time and resisting watching t.v. further. Hunter just sort of went along with everything quietly… probably because he was beyond tired.

There’s this funny joke that Hunter wants to stay up as late as Noah stays up… but since Bryan doesn’t know how to give children bedtimes, this can be very late into the night…after midnight is not an unusual occurrence. This drives me nuts, but I’m in the awkward position of Aunt and so I only have so much say-so in this matter, but believe me, Bryan has heard my opinion about it. Anyway, Hunter will sometimes say to Noah, “Let’s go to bed, it’s really late,” or something along that lines when Hunter is falling asleep, but doesn’t want to miss anything or go to bed before Noah does. I don’t remember what it is that Hunter says to Noah… this happens when I’m not around, but however it is that Hunter does it and says it exactly, it’s pretty cute. And sad in a lot of ways to me too, because I wish my brother would be responsible in this area, and it is just an area that I swear my brother has major past issues with and hence, he goes the complete opposite direction and it ends up being unhealthy and just not a good parenting decision. I know Sarah agrees with me, but I think she ends up feeling like it is hopeless, because even if Bryan will say ‘yeah, the kids need to go to bed earlier and have a bedtime,’ Bryan will turn around in the moment and ask Noah if he is ready for bed or some other thing where he reacts to the kids wanting to stay up and he won’t say no to them about bedtime. Arrgghhh… it’s a really sore point for me because I think that consistency and bedtime is so important for the kids and the adults to have some time to themselves afterwards, etc.

Anyway, I’m rather pleased with the kids and find it interesting too just how easy it was for them to agree to go to bed. I think it is because they know that I mean what I say…or something along that lines. I told them that they had a big day the next day (birthday party and stuff), that it was late, and that I heard they had been up late the night before but had gotten up early, and anyway, they just sort of agreed with me. I was having this casual conversation with them…talking to them casually but behind it, I meant business at the same time too. It sort of reinforced my belief that kids really do want a bedtime (even if they say otherwise) and they really want someone to take care of them and for there to be boundaries and rules on certain things. I just couldn’t believe how easy it was to have them go along with my direction. It also reinforces my belief that if you respect kids, they will respect you back. There was no yelling, no bitchiness, no rude or mean tones, no anger, no nothing other than this is really in your best interest and this is how it is even though I know you don’t really like it all that much at the moment. And thankfully Bryan had fallen asleep and everything was falling into place with the book reading, and Hunter with his mom, etc., and so by the time Bryan realized what was happening, he didn’t say anything or bring up the idea of Noah watching t.v. for several hours before bedtime.

As far as reading books, I realized once again how much I enjoy reading children’s books, and how I/we like to ‘get into’ the books and read them like a storyteller and with excitement and different voices if I can do it (it helps if I know the story better), and stuff like that. I also thought (once again) about looking into the possibility of reading for kids at the library during story hour.

So yesterday we had a get together gathering of family for a pre-birthday celebration for Hunter. Today is Hunter’s 6th Birthday. We went bowling yesterday and that was fun; I forgot how challenging I find bowling in terms of getting my body and arms to do what I want them to do and not twist or turn this way or that way at the last minute. Anyway, I went back to my mother’s house afterwards and fell asleep for a few hours. I’m still fighting this cold, but I’m definitely on the tail end of it now, which is very nice to say. I’m thinking that I won the cold battle with blasting my body with vitamins and trying to take it easy and rest. So I’m glad that it looks like this cold is going away and my symptoms are reducing quite a bit each day.

I awoke fairly late and still needed to go to my brother’s house…my mom wanted me to go get her some food and so she bought me dinner as well. Oddly I wasn’t feeling all that hungry and even though I was hungry around lunchtime (late lunchtime) when we met for bowling…when I did get my food, I quickly became full. So for dinner, I wasn’t feeling all that hungry and the idea of fast food just wasn’t doing anything for me. I ended up getting a salad and I’m finding that this really might be an okay substitute for other fast food. I came back to my mom’s house and decided to eat at her place and we turned on the t.v. and ended up watching House…and it was an episode I had not seen before, and I ended up getting hooked and so stayed to watch the rest of it. Then off to the store to return something for my mom, pick up Hunter’s gift card and card for him for my mother’s gift to him, and for me to get Hunter’s gift that I’m giving to him and stuff for his cake. I’m making Hunter’s cake today, which I need to do as soon as I finish here.

I have mixed feelings about making Hunter’s cake and making this a tradition with him, and I feel bad about having such mixed feelings. I have such a strong connection to Noah and I think we’re fairly close (at least from my perspective), and I’ve always just treasured the specialness of making Noah specialized birthday cakes to the best of my ability. I’ve come up with some great creations and have gotten better each time. None of the cakes are ‘professionally’ made or look like that, but they are creative and the most important, made with love. I created the tradition of baking Noah’s birthday cakes and although it is a gift to him, I have to say that it is also a gift to me. I didn’t really expect or realize when I began doing this for him, that it would give so much back to me as well. I think a lot of it is cherishing the tradition and having something special every year that Noah and I share together.

So… it is an adjustment to begin including Hunter in on this too. I keep telling myself that this doesn’t take away from Noah and doesn’t take away from our special tradition (both past and future). It just is hard to adjust and know that it is okay. I’m worried about Noah’s feelings and at the same time, I know that I have to step back and let things be what they’re going to be. Since I’m worried about Noah’s feelings being hurt (but they might not be), and if I take the assumption that his feelings will be hurt, then I end up feeling so guilty. So I’m trying to figure out how to deal with that and to know that including Hunter is okay and important to do as well. I made Hunter’s cake last year. I can imagine if I never made Hunter a birthday cake but he always saw that I made Noah his birthday cakes, that it would affect Hunter and possibly his feelings hurt in some way too. And it would also tell and show Noah something too and I don’t want that separateness, favoring, etc. between the boys. Sigh… mixing families is hard. I feel so clueless as to what is right and wrong to do and how to go about doing it all.

I was just thinking about all that I’ve written and suddenly realized that I forgot to give Noah our special goodnight saying. Aack… he really is getting older and I’m subconsciously adjusting to that. It’s sort of a younger kid bedtime saying that Noah added his own 2 lines for it after awhile and so we just sort of ended up creating a nighttime saying together when he was little. Wwwaahhh… I’m happy that Noah is growing older and going through all these new stages, and at the same time, I’m missing that little boy in him.

Whew… we sort of went all over the place in this entry. We ended up going back and adding stuff here and there in the middle of things and anyway, here it is with a bunch of varied thoughts on things.

Julie/s