How can you
hate me with all your glory
and love me with all your fright
and still hurt me with such demise
as to love me in others eyes.
How can you
find me in her
and take me as her
while hating me when you see her
because I am not her.
How can you
touch me as her
fuck me just because
you are there
and I’m here for you
because that’s what I do.
A child.
How can you
say you believe
the multiplicity but deny
your abuse, for it was love
in your eyes
and an accident if we
ever spoke of it to you.
How can you laugh
at our pain and
our memories of abuse
with your threats
and special ways
to let us know
you will do it.
How can you
never say
you abused me
you hurt me
you did it
and still live with yourself.
How can you
be my father
when I don’t want one
don’t know what one is
and yet want one
because that is what people do.
How can you…
unedited writings from someone inside, their way of speaking and telling and communicating
–the ones inside who speak and write like this often do not use any punctuation, so it is missing
–an edited version will be added later
if i could
i would tell it again
if only to show
you can do it
again
again
the night draws near
hanging with it
the lights of night
crosses under
the land of fright
don’t worry
i won’t tell
a soul
for the soul i bear
is dead once more
don’t take me away
for i’ve gone away
on my own
but you know that,
now that you own
me
oh that flattened me
for you know it is a
we
of a family
oh that we are
inside
and out
but shame the inside
and flood the out
with smiles and masks
for we are all in this
together
we dance left right left
and sing chants for
natas
and the silence
begets silence
for the silence
stops the silent
fingers telling
and never oh never
shall the silence
whisper a sound
but silence
and nothing oh nothing
will be told
past natas
you know me by “if i could”
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