we stand here
waiting for you
to come around
to our side.

you don’t want what we know
yet you seek it
then run and hide
such is your way.

desperately come
desperately go
that is your way
asking then hiding
and locking yourself away
from us

you think it is gone
the pain that was so real
as though we are fine
and it wasn’t real
but it is
if you looked again
and stood with us
for the pain
consumes us
and spreads
like molten lava
and poison in the lands

there is no love
here or there
just lock us away
and we know our bad
will be our good
of silence
evermore
hidden
so as to not knock at your door

when will you knock?
when will you stay?
when will you not run away?

our pain is our own
yet you can’t stand to be close to it
as if it will swallow you up
and sink you in its quicksand
but who cares
just leave us here
like you always do

you lack function
like we do

I could write
upon your eyes
lighting up your sky
with nothing to show
but your own dark clothes
of nothing.

Nothing but your dark
clothes show as the
sky lights up
your eyes.

Take me as I am
I am neither here
nor there, but am
just a piece in your eyes
to ride upon and
write upon your life book.

Flowing downward
onward we go
I cling to the sides
but there is nothing to hold
sailing as you take me
scaling the walls I try
but there are no walls
to scale
in this empty hollow
of darkness.

Can you see
the light in your eyes
that darkness brings
its ring of fire.

Onward we march
along the night ward sky
downward we go
hidden from those above
who know nothing
of that we bring
to the earth above.

Dance. I say DANCE
to the darkness
the light of your life.
It’s a celebration
of life and sacrifice.

Take this with you
wherever you go
or you shall be forbidden
to know what we know.

What? You don’t want to know
what we know? Dare you say
such a vile thing?
Shackle her. Spank her.
Smack her. Beat her.
Tie her. Rape her.
Spin her. Hang her.
Leave her to dry
or die by light of day.

Must oh must
we pull her away.
Never. She hasn’t learned
her lesson for today.

Make her believe
Nothing has happened
and It’s not true.
Then shove her down
into the mine of minds
and she will eat the dirt
of light and right
and see the left of light
that illuminates the dark
of righteous right.

Yes, that’s more like it.
There she is.
Wanting to know
and desperate to do
whatever she is told.

The fight is gone
We have won
but never fear dear,
it’s only just begun.

How can you
find me in her
and take me as her
while hating me when you see her
because I am not her.

How can you
touch me as her
fuck me just because
you are there
and I’m here for you
because that’s what I do.

A child.

How can you
say you believe
the multiplicity but deny
your abuse, for it was love
in your eyes
and an accident if we
ever spoke of it to you.

How can you laugh
at our pain and
our memories of abuse
with your threats
and special ways
to let us know
you will do it.

How can you
never say
you abused me
you hurt me
you did it
and still live with yourself.

How can you
be my father
when I don’t want one
don’t know what one is
and yet want one
because that is what people do.

How can you…

if i could
i would tell it again
if only to show
you can do it

again

again

the night draws near
hanging with it
the lights of night
crosses under
the land of fright

don’t worry
i won’t tell
a soul
for the soul i bear
is dead once more

don’t take me away
for i’ve gone away
on my own
but you know that,
now that you own
me

oh that flattened me
for you know it is a
we
of a family
oh that we are
inside
and out
but shame the inside
and flood the out
with smiles and masks
for we are all in this
together

we dance left right left
and sing chants for
natas

and the silence
begets silence
for the silence
stops the silent
fingers telling
and never oh never
shall the silence
whisper a sound
but silence
and nothing oh nothing
will be told
past natas

you know me by “if i could”